Almost Lover
by Darling Pretty
Summary: Addison writes a letter so she can move on.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I'm writing my actual stories, I swear, but I was listening to A Fine Frenzy and "Almost Lover" came on and this story just begged to be written until it was practically waving a metaphoric gun in my face. But seriously, go listen to this song. You won't be able to tell me that it's not absolutely perfect for Addison and Alex.**

**I own nothing. Promise.**

* * *

She's probably going to really, really regret this in the morning, but honestly, who the hell cares? In twelve hours, she'll be on a flight to LA, surrendering the rain and the man candy doctors and the heartbreak to sun and sand and ocean. Before she does that though, she has to do something. So she pulls out a fresh sheet of paper and begins to write.

_Alex,_

_This is really stupid. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm already regretting it. I don't know how to say all of this. But there are things I need to say so I can leave and move on._

_I fell for you. You've made it perfectly clear that I'm completely stupid for it, but it's true unfortunately. I've known all along that I was setting myself up for pain. I've heard everything that the nurses have said about you and, even if I hadn't, my own track record in love has never been exactly stellar. I knew you would break my heart a little the moment you gave up Mark's favor for a surgery with me and if I'm completely honest, probably since you got me a freaking lawsuit._

_I meant what I said—I really do think you're a decent guy. I meant it then and I still mean it now._

_The funny thing is that I really did think that maybe you felt the same way about me. There were times I caught you looking at me and, well, it took my breath away. But I guess that just goes to show the power of wishful thinking. I've always had a tendency to be completely blind to everything beyond what I want to see._

_I'm sorry that I continually forced myself on you, both personally and professionally. But, squishy and pink though my specialty may be, you really do have a talent and I would hate to see it squandered when you could do real good in the world._

_I guess I'm writing because I'm leaving and starting over. You gave Mark a vanilla latte and my world stopped. I need it to start moved again. So I'm writing to say goodbye. I'm finally going to free myself from all of this Seattle stuff—Derek, and Meredith, and Mark, and you. I'm finally moving on and it feels good._

_I hope you're happy—with Rebecca or with Izzie or whoever you choose. I hope you're happy. I'm moving on and I hope you're happy._

_But let me make something very clear to you. You missed your chance with me. I don't know why you'd care, but it's true. That door (and my legs) are closed to you now. I was there before when you needed someone, but I'm gone now. I can't be second best to you anymore._

_Goodbye, Alex. I always knew you would break my heart, I just didn't realize it would hurt this badly._

_Love,_

_Addison_

By the time she's done writing the letter, she's got tears running down her cheeks, staining the paper. She stares at it for a moment, picks it up, and crumples it up, tossing it at the trashcan. It misses, just barely, just like everything else in her life—almost perfect, but not quite. She can't be bothered to pick it up. She's checking out in the morning anyways. Instead, she crawls into bed and falls asleep.

_**Goodbye, my almost lover,**_

_**Goodbye, my hopeless dream,**_

_**I'm trying not to think about you,**_

_**Can't you just let me be?**_

_**So long, my luckless romance,**_

_**My back is turned on you,**_

_**Should have known you'd bring me heartache,**_

_**Almost lovers always do.**_

* * *

**I have a proposition for you... this is not the happiest story in the world, but I do have an idea for a second chapter that could make some things happen. But I kind of like the sadness in its own special way, and I don't want to disturb it unless people want it disturbed. I'm usually one to leave well enough alone, but if enough people think a happier ending is appropriate, I don't mind writing one.**

**-Juli-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I did **_**not **_**intend for this to be so freaking long! But it decided that this is the length it would be and who am I to argue with a story? I mean, really? Honestly, I think that would make me appear slightly more insane than I already do. Well, happy Fourth of July and enjoy!**

**And I own nothing.**

* * *

Alex really has absolutely no idea what he's doing. All he knows is that ever since he told Addison that she isn't his girlfriend, he's been living with this inconsolable guilt. And don't even get him started on the fact that she hates him.

So he's going to try to make things right with her. He needs her to know that it has absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact he's absolutely terrified of getting involved with anyone.

And now he's at the Archfield with not even the semblance of a plan, only a scrap of paper with her hotel room number scribbled on it. He takes the elevator up to her floor, finds the door, and knocks. No answer, so he knocks again. This time the door is yanked open. "_What_?" a twenty-year-old girl, clearly the maid, snaps. If Alex weren't distracted he'd make some comment about her surliness. Instead he just asks about Addison. "Dr. Montgomery just checked out," the girl says. "It's too bad too. She was a really good tipper."

Normally Alex would be pissed that of all the good that Addison has done, the most memorable thing is that she's a good tipper. But right now he's faced with the reality that she's actually gone and that kind of takes priority. "Dude, are you okay?" the maid asks. Crystal, judging by her name tag.

"You don't look like most maids," he comments. Anything to get his mind off Addison.

"I'm a student at Cornish. I need money," she explains. "And it's weird and slightly racist that you said that."

"Can I come in?" he asks suddenly.

"Why?"

"Because I know Addi- Dr. Montgomery."

"Not a reason," Crystal points out.

He sighs. He's not about to explain the whole thing to this unpleasant college student. With a roll of his eyes, he pulls out his wallet and hands her a ten dollar bill.

She grins. "You cut to the chase. I like that in a man. Five minutes, okay?" She steps away from the door and returns to cleaning the bathroom.

He walks in and the room is empty. Even though he's never been here before, it's just as sad as if he had. It feels just as empty as imagines the hospital will. Then he decides this is stupid so he starts to leave. As he does, he steps on something that crinkles. Looking down, he discovers that he's stepped on a crumpled up piece of paper. He frowns; for all her unpleasantness, Crystal does seem to be meticulous in her cleaning. He bends down and is about to throw the paper away when he catches a glimpse of what he knows to be Addison's handwriting. He opens it and begins to read.

At some point he moves to sit on the bed. She claimed that her world stopped when he gave Sloan a vanilla latte. His stops when he gets to the end of this letter that she'd probably be mortified if she knew that he'd seen.

"Hey," Crystal says, coming into the room. "It's been five minutes."

He looks up, shaking off the haze of shock.

"You okay?" Crystal asks. "You look… broken. Sorry, first word that came to mind. You look shaken up. You okay?"

"Fine," he responds.

"And that's a lie. What's that?" she asks, snatching the letter from his hands with a confidence that only comes from being twenty and completely sure of what life holds. She reads over it quickly and hands it back to him. "Addison's Dr. Montgomery, right? So, judging by the look on your face, that makes you Alex." He nods. "Heavy. So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing. You read the letter."

Crystal sighs. "Alex, the only part of that letter that matters is right there," she says, pointing to the word above Addison's name.

"What?"

"Look, I don't know what any of this stuff means. I don't know who this Mark guy is and I don't pretend to know why her specialty is… squishy and pink. But I know women; in case you hadn't noticed, I actually am one. So I know that she wouldn't have written that word if she didn't mean it. And that's all that's important."

"Did you _read _the rest of the letter?" he scoffs.

"What? That she fell for you and you broke her? Yeah, I got that. So you've got some making up to do."

He rolls his eyes and gets up. This is going nowhere.

"You're stupid for not going after her," Crystal calls after him.

"I know," he grumbles.

**24 hours later…**

"Okay, I'm getting sick of this," Meredith declares. "What the _hell _is that piece of paper that you won't put down?"

For the second time in as many days a pushy, obnoxious female grabs Addison's letter out of his hands and reads it. "Wow," she breathes. Then she looks up. "Okay, what happened between you two?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, so you broke her heart using nothing more than your devastating bedside manner and surgical skills?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"That's too bad for you," Meredith grins. Then she softens. "Come on, Alex. You haven't put the letter down all day. Talk. Please?"

"We kissed, okay? We kissed and I said I didn't want her and then we slept together and I told her she wasn't my girlfriend."

Meredith studies her friend. "Except you _do _want her, don't you? You have to go after her, Alex!"

"What? No."

"You _have _to!"

"Why? Give me one good reason."

"Because everyone deserves a happy ending, Alex, and she's yours. You can't let her get away."

"Mer, did you _read _that letter? She doesn't want anything to do with me."

"She says that she loves you."

"And that she's done with me."

Meredith waves her hand dismissively. "That's just what you say when you're mad about something, to get over it. And she's got plenty to get mad about. But think about it, Alex. If _you _wrote this letter, would you want her to pay attention to your anger or would you want her to follow you?"

"I'm not a chick, Mer." He rolls his eyes; he's not about to play the What If game.

"I don't think wanting to be with the woman you love makes you a chick," Meredith huffs. "But whatever. Let's go find Callie."

"What? Why?"

"So we can get Addison's address," Meredith sighs as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Unless, of course, you want to go ask Bailey for it. But either way, you are getting on a plane if I have to drug you and stuff you in a suitcase myself."

"No. Mer," he starts to protest. Meredith gives him a look that quickly silences him. It's that crazy person look that says not to mess with her.

"Alex, I broke up her marriage. You're going after her."

"I'm not going after her just so you can satisfy some weird guilt thing you have!"

Meredith glares at him and storms away. And that is the end of that.

0ooo0

Except that's _not _the end of that. Alex may think it's the end of that, but Meredith is determined to give this story the happy ending she believes it deserves. So she says a silent apology to Alex and hunts Callie down.

"I need a favor," she announces when she accomplishes her mission.

"Dr. Grey, what can I help you with?" Callie asks, sounding slightly annoyed and not looking up from her computer.

"Where does Addison live now?"

"What?"

"It's really important. Please?"

Callie laughs. "Why would I tell you that?"

"There's a letter and Alex and-" Meredith starts rambling.

"What?" Callie asks.

Meredith takes a breath and starts over. "Addison wrote a letter to Alex and he won't put it down but he won't go after her and he _can't _go after her if he doesn't know where she lives. She said she loves him, Callie!"

"_What_?"

"He needs to go after her," Meredith insists, but Callie's already up and on the warpath. "Sorry Alex," Meredith winces.

0oo0

"Karev!" Callie's voice booms through the hallway.

He turns around. "Yeah?"

She grabs his arm and drags him into a supply closet, closing the door behind them. "_You're _why Addison left?"

"Um."

"_You're _the reason my best friend decided to move _right now_, when I need her? Seriously?"

"Um."

"You're fixing this," Callie states. It's not anywhere near the vicinity of a question. "You broke her heart and now you're going to fix it or I'm going to start breaking bones. It's what I do for a living and I do it very well. Got it?"

Alex nods. Talking doesn't seem like a good life decision at this point.

"Good. I suggest you figure out when the next flight to Los Angeles is. I'll text you her address when you land."

0ooo0

And that's how Alex ends up standing outside of a house on the beach. He thinks about just how easy it would be for him to turn around and walk away, but Callie really could start breaking bones and, if he's perfectly honest, he really does want to see Addison. Steeling himself, he knocks on her door.

He doesn't have to wait long before the door swings open. "I swear to God, Naomi," she starts and then stops. "You're not Naomi," she observes after a suitably long awkward silence.

"No."

More silence. "Okay, I give up," Addison finally says. "What are you doing here?"

"The better question is what are _you _doing here?"

Addison rolls her eyes. "I live here. You don't. Why are you here?"

"I, um… What the hell is this?" He holds out the letter for her to see.

She freezes. "Where did you get that?"

"I went to your hotel room. You were gone."

"So you went through my trash?"

"It was on the floor. And that's not important. Why did you write it?"

"I… I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Too bad. I'm not leaving."

"I'm not talking to you," she replies and tries to close the door on him. He reaches out and stops her with his arm.

"I'm not going anywhere until you explain, Addison."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore," she repeats, biting back the tears that she clearly wants to cry.

"Why'd you write it?" he asks softly. "I mean, you obviously weren't going to send it, so why write it?"

"I had to," she whispers.

"Why?"

Under his seemingly infinite questions, she finally breaks. "Because you broke me!" she yells. "I was already broken and I was just starting to get better and then you broke me again! I needed to tell you all of that but I couldn't. I didn't expect you'd ever see it." Her last sentence holds a faint accusatory tone.

He shakes his head slowly. "Sorry. I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake," he says, backing away.

"What? Where are you going?" It might just be wishful thinking, but he thinks he hears just the vaguest shimmer of panic. Maybe she wants him to stay?

"Look, Addison, what I said to you… I… I know you think I said all of it because I didn't want you. And I know you love being right. But you were wrong. About me, I mean."

"What?"

"I was… I was trying to _not _break you. I- I still am. And clearly still failing."

"What?"

"I just… I didn't say what I did to hurt you, okay? It's better this way. You wouldn't understand."

For the first time since her outburst, she meets his eyes. "So make me. Make me understand. Because you're right; I _don't_ get it. You're saying you're trying to _protect _me? From what? You?"

Now he won't meet her eyes. He won't speak either.

"So what you're saying is that _you _want… me. _Me_. Not Ava. Not Izzie. Me."

"You," he confirms.

She wets her lips nervously. "Oh."

"It's not a good idea."

"What?"

"You and me," he clarifies. "It's not a good idea."

She gives him a wry smile. "Given our history, I think that's a good assessment."

"Huh?"

"Well, you've done nothing but hurt me and I've forced myself on you in more ways than one. Clearly we're not a good idea." She swallows. "Look, it's not what I wanted to hear, but it's true, and it helps. With the fixing thing. It helps. So thanks for that, at least."

"Oh, uh, I…"

She smiles. "Do you want to go grab something to eat? Just because we're not together doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?"

He grins. Even if they're not together, he really missed her. "Right."

**4 Months Later…**

She rolls her eyes as the wheel on her cart gets stuck _again. _As far as carts go, this is the suckiest one Crystal has had so far. After fixing the wheel, she continues on to her destination. Room 2214. Every time she has to clean this room, she shakes her head at the memory of Letter Guy and his infuriatingly stubborn refusal to go after the woman that so clearly meant the world to him. She uses that story as a cautionary tale to all of her friends who refuse to go after things. Every so often she'll wonder how it all turned out.

"Housekeeping," she calls as she knocks, reaching for her key.

The door opens before she can get the key in the lock. "No, thanks," the occupant says.

Crystal's eyes widen. "_Letter Guy_?" she exclaims before she can rein in her mouth.

His brow furrows. "What?"

"You bribed me to get into this room, remember?" she reminds him. "And you found a letter. And I told you that you were an idiot for not going after that chick. Maybe you remember it? It's okay if you don't though, I mean, it _was _four _whole _months ago."

It all clicks into place in his head. "Right. Uh, Chrissy?"

"Crystal," she corrects him. "But nice try. I mean, you did get the Cri part of it right, so that's pretty good. And to be fair, I don't really remember your actual name either."

"Sorry. And it's Alex."

"Oh, no worries," she says, waving him off. "You were pretty preoccupied that day. What ended up happening with that?"

"Alex, are you ever going to get in here or am I taking care of myself?"

Crystal's eyes avert themselves, but not before registering the fact that the redhead is wearing a towel and a whole lot of nothing else. "Dr. Montgomery, right?" she asks the ceiling. "I'd know the red hair anywhere," she confides to Alex.

Crystal doesn't need to look to know that Addison's cheeks are glowing bright red. Her own aren't fairing much better. "I'm sorry, have- have we met?" the good doctor stammers.

"No, I, uh… I was here when Letter Boy here found your letter. Cleaning," Crystal explains.

"Oh."

"Well, it looks like you guys are set," Crystal says in the awkward tone of someone who wants to get far, far away very, very quickly. "So I'll just… go."

"Right. Uh, nice to meet you," Addison says in the same tone before fleeing to the bathroom.

The atmosphere relaxes without the nearly naked Addison. Crystal grins at Alex. "You went after her!"

"I did."

"And I told you so!" she crows happily. "Any regrets?"

He shakes his head. "Nope."

She smiles. "I'm glad. And I'm going to go now. Have… fun." She's off with a knowing waggle of her eyebrows before he can shoot anything back.

* * *

**Oh, I do so love a happy ending! And hopefully you do too. :)**

**-Juli-**


End file.
